Express Yourself

Considering that the performance above was on the year I was born, its safe to say, that yes, I grew up barely listening to much of Madonna's songs. Quite unfortunate really. In every new generation of female singers, they have always honored this amazing pop icon and her influences; I just never realized what they were till recently. "Express Yourself" is arguably one of her famous songs, more so as an anthem for girls in choosing their love.
 

Come on girls
Do you believe in love?
'Cause I got something to say about it
And it goes something like this

Don't go for second best baby
Put your love to the test
You know, you know, you've got to
Make him express how he feels
And maybe then you'll know your love is real

Long stem roses are the way to your heart
But he needs to start with your head
Satin sheets are very romantic
What happens when you're not in bed
You deserve the best in life
So if the time isn't right then move on
Second best is never enough
You'll do much better baby on your own
(Baby on your own)

Express yourself
(You've got to make him)
Express himself
Hey, hey, hey, hey
So if you want it right now, make him show you how
Express what he's got, oh baby ready or not
Express yourself
(You've got to make him)
So you can respect yourself
Hey, hey
So if you want it right now, then make him show you how
Express what he's got, oh baby ready or not

Not the entire lyrics, just nitpicking the ones I felt really showcases the lesson she is teaching.  Especially the part, 'You'll do much better on your own' and ' So you can respect yourself '. Sure some folks would say she is a bad influence, a scarlet woman or generally a bad woman, but thinking about it, were they just afraid of a woman, in those times mind you, taking center stage and expressing her opinions through her songs? That said songs would be the female anthem for generations of girls to turn to ,in order to find themselves? Love her or hate her, she is a Pop culture genius, and she will always be here to stay.

[Source][Source]

Mixed Feelings

Excuse me for a second, as I try my best to clean of the dust that has settled on my keyboard. Its been quite a long time since my last update, won't you say? A couple of things happened since the last post. That's life, right? In one day, you have a friend you could turn to and the next, said friend is gone. Or that one day you had a grandmother, and the next she's lying in a white tomb with jasmines growing on it. Basically, life goes on, and sometimes, you just forget about trivial things and what not.

Why am I back again in this blog sphere? A funny tale really; was inspired to write back again when in the midst of improving my thesis. Not the best reason, mind you, but hey as Nietzsche once said, “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” Smart fellow, that one.

As for the title, yes it does reflect the feeling I have as I am writing this. Whether or not its a good idea to go back into writing mode with the old template, or should have just started it off fresh. After thinking about it, I decided to heck with it. I won't delete my past posts. I won't change my blog's address. And I most certainly won't start over with the same empty promise of writing everyday. I won't.

I will however, continue to write in this blog. I will continue to post things that I feel strongly about. I will write about things that may or may not be comfortable to talk about. I will write from my heart.

Why? You ask.
Well, simply because, I will not run away again.

Current Mood : Driven
Current listening to : The World - Yuki Kajiura 

These chains of mine....

So this is what it feels like (well, almost...) to being a working person. Gives me the shivers thinking I would be a lot worse as I grow older, doing nothing but work, barely seeing your family, barely noticing you have less people to talk too. Well it is the path I took, I can't turn back now.

I wanted to be responsible so that perhaps I can better support the people I love and care about in the future. But still it hurts, thou not as badly as it used to. It used to be that I would do everything I can to hold on to them. But now my heart grows colder as ' I don't care' becomes the chant in my head and on my lips. I keep seeing new faces now, with unreadable masks, and sometimes the old me would pop up to say hi. It never goes down well with them thou.

I keep thinking back to the days of the younger me, of how carefree I was back then. It is unfortunate that the world is a harsh mistress, with reality being a bitch. Old me can't fit into this world. Old me would just be drifted apart. But somewhat I liked the old me, the freedom she has, the opportunity that she could have.

New me says it can't be done, it can't be allowed. The new me says I must not care more for others feelings but concentrate more on my own. Be more selfish a good friend said to me once. Don't let the world walk all over you.

I tried, my dear, believe me. It will take a while to stop loving to help others even when they forget what you did. To stop thinking too much of what did I do wrong to make them overlook me. To stop feeling sorry for myself when I'm left alone but was always there when I'm needed. Dear me, it's really going to take a while isn't it......

Current Mood : Lost
Current listening to : Forsaken - Within Temptation

A moments reflection

I want,
To enjoy what I do,
To have a decent conversation,
To laugh with no care,
To be able to eat freely,
To drink with no worry.

I need,
To get motivated to do work,
To get my mind out of the gutter,
To stop fooling around,
To let things be,
To start being me.

I hope,
To stand up on my own,
To be a stronger person,
To not let others use me ,
To be able to say no,
again and again,
And to finally ending this pain.

Current Mood : Numb
Current listening to : Straight Up - Paula Abdul

What I see....

Do you know what it feels like?

To hate a part of you,

Yet, still long to love it,

But it keeps on hurting you,

Keeps you crying hard at times,

Silently so that no one may hear,

How this strong walls around me,

Can easily crumble down.

How I long for the answers to be clear,

Am I,

Or am I not,

Who I am meant to be?

Am I,

Really this sort of person?

Knowing how much I hate,

What I am now.

The memories kept haunting me,

It keeps replaying in my mind,

Like an old movie ,

Except this is real,

And you can't turn,

Your eyes away.

I see the monster,

For the very first time,

And it made her cry.

It hurt her badly.

I remembered the tears.

Her frightful eyes.

I watched them again,

I was only little,

Yet,

I had understood.

What I was seeing,

And what I,

Have to live with.

I knew,

That as long as it lives,

It will come back again,

It will continue to hurt,

It will continue to make,

More tears to fall.

But who was I kidding,

I was merely a child,

I wasn't strong enough,

I could never be,

For the monster is huge

And scary,

I was nothing to it.

As I grew older,

I saw it surfaces,

Again and again,

I remembered the words,

I remembered the hurt,

I remembered the things broken.

Sometimes it gets angry,

Because of me,

Sometimes it gets angry,

For me,

And other times it gets angry,

At the people around me.

But the worst of all,

Is when its angry,

At itself,

And it turns to me.

I didn't mind,

Even thou it hurts,

Because I knew,

If I was the one hurting,

It wouldn't hurt,

Anyone else.

It wouldn't make her cry again,

It wouldn't hurt her again.

As I grew older,

And I saw the monster,

Again and again,

I grew weary,

But she stood by it,

She loved it,

Even thou it had hurt her before,

I couldn't understand it.

And so I hated it.

She said it loved me,

That was why it hurt me,

I didn't believe her,

Yet,

I find myself,

Sometimes loving it,

When it's not a monster.

It's confusing,

I know,

But what am I to do,

I couldn't kill it,

Even thou I have had thoughts,

About the deed,

For the only thing that's,

Stopping me,

Is that it is loved,

By the people around me.

Nowadays, the monster stays silent,

But it will show itself,

When I did wrong,

Or so it thinks,

And sometimes,

When I let my guard down,

It shows itself,

And instead of hurting my flesh,

It aims for my heart and sanity.

My heart shatters,

Whenever it says,

I am stupid,

Useless,

Not worth caring for.

My will is broken,

Whenever it says,

I am nothing,

And the ones,

That I was protecting

Agrees with it.

My sanity is tormented,

Whenever I looked,

Into the mirror,

And as I,

See myself,

I also see it,

It was with me,

And as I looked closer,

It became me.

Current Mood : Emo
Current listening to : What Have You Done - Within Temptation

Resolution Rambles...

I know, I know ...I sound like a certain fa lecturer yes? XP. Oh yeah I'm thinking of making more of this audio logs....tell me what you think bout it ok?

Current Mood : Confused
Current listening to : Exile-Halftime- Epik High

"What is the symbol of your personality?"

You are very loved. Everyone finds you a welcoming, warm person. They look to you for advice and comfort, and someone to just have a good time with. Your personality is seen as cliche and average, but in truth, you have talents and skills and ideas that no one has thought of before. You are someone with style. You are good with colors, and you know how to color people's worlds and minds to your way. You think new relationships are a coloring book, to fill them in with fulfilling conversations and meetings. You may seem nice and perfect and beautiful, you have a policy of "forgive but never forget". You always remember your enemies if you have any, and you know where to steer. Sometimes, when you're completely lost, you are dependent on friends for help. You hope they'll be there for you, but sometimes you fear that they won't be. That is something you are afraid of. You are ready to give, but you are also ready to accept. To many, it seems like you change your personality just for different people, but in fact, you are the one thing that's not changing. Other people grow on you, and grow fond of you, not the other way around. You are always yourself, and you are definite. ....


Funnily enough...it really does hit the spot.....heh.

Ps. Sorry for the very rare updates....real life blows you see...but most probably be writing again during the holidays..till then.

Current Mood : Emo
Current listening to : Angels - Within Temptation